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I tried to count my scars,
But I couldn't tell
Where one began
And another ended.

So I tried to count the cuts,
But I couldn't, because
Blood smeared across my skin,
Connecting them like a thin,
Red veil of pain.

And so I cried.
I cried a single tear, because
When I need to cry,
I can't.

Finally, I sat down,
And put pen to paper,
Or fingers to keys.
And tried to write my emotions.
But I couldn't, because
I don't know how to tell the world
What I feel like,
When I have no right.

I looked from the blood stained tissues,
Across my torn body,
Into my own eyes, reflected perfectly by the mirror before me.
Another tear was pulled from my eyes by gravity.
By this invisible force that makes me
Oh, so, miserable.
"And too much blood has flown from the wrists,
Of the children shamed for those they chose to kiss.
Who will rise to stop the blood?" - Rise Against, Make it Stop (September's Children)

I don't really know where I was going. I just I hurt and needed some sort of way of getting it out of my system, even if it's in a shit, half-hearted attempt at a poem.... Ah hell...

EDIT: Thank you SO much, for the overwhelming response I got. I do read every single comment, I really do, because it means so much to me. I am so greatful for all of your support. Thank you for every single fave and comment. It's brought tears to my eyes and a big smile to my face, a smile I haven't had in a very long time: a genuine smile of happiness. Thank you, thanky you, thank you!
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rhunel Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2017   General Artist
You have every right, not no right. :hug:
melissapilegaard Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2015
its so beautiful
Artforme28 Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014
It made me cry.... Thank you, I need tears.....
BeautyPanda Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Amazing work....makes the reader really feel...
CaliGalLA Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2013
this was great....been there, felt was amazing!
LittleB100Bird Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2013
are you okay?
88monkies Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2013
I like your writing very much

It's a darker sort of poetry, but one I feel many can relate to
and, the flow is superb
chaoscat6787 Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2012
funny cause alot of people think talking actualy helps........ some who cant talk to others.... turn to cutting as release..... in my opinion it helps
chaoscat6787 Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2012
i feel your pain in this.....and belive me when i say......i am right their with it
Write-Then-Think Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2012  Student Writer
Oh jeez, I don't really know where to start. I've felt the way you did in the middle of last year. I really enjoyed feeling the way you described and the flow. Very well done! I hope to see you smiling more often.
kewkie123 Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
1- that is my all time favorite song by rise against, i think its beautiful and it has a special meaning to me
2- this poem is fantastic, i dont know how manytimes i have felt this way, how many times ive looked at my scars and wanted to just vent about my feelings, to yell and to scream, turely amazing
Dawnmoon13 Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2012  Hobbyist
I didn't really realize the meaning of the song the first time I heard it. When I did get it, I burst into tears. And thank you <3
BluishShimmer Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Beautifully written!

You've done a real 180 with your perspective in Perfect morning - Klaine which is brilliant!

Below is some advice if you ever need it; we all have our good and bad days after all hopefully the good will out way the bad though and make it all worth it.

Firstly try listening to people like !THERIOTISHERE and all the other people supporting you and ignoring people like ~Gizmo7785 they will only drag you down and make you feel worse. Cutting may feel good at the time however it is only a temporary fix and doesn't solve the real problem, it's like putting a band-aid over a gaping wound which will then fester and get a lot worse. Taking the time to thoroughly flush, clean and stitch the wound means you have a far better chance of a smooth recovery, yes it hurts but it means the wound can heal cleanly or in this case your mind will heal and you be able to move on with your life without being haunted by your past.

It is perfectly normal for couples to go through rough times since in real life no human was ever perfect unlike the prince and princess in fairy tales .I'm sure you and your partner will both have habits that will annoy the other to no end so in order for your relationship to work you are both going to have to make sacrifices and compromises in-order make your relationship survive.

If the overall problem is too overwhelming try to break the problem down into smaller pieces and address them one at a time. Also you should make a serious attempt at talking to your partner about what's upsetting you and vice versa. Lots of problems originate from small misunderstandings, mistakes, and lack of communication which over time can grow and become further complicated by emotions sometimes making it difficult to see the full picture/problem. Sitting down with you partner to discuss what is upsetting you in a calm manner can help to clear the air and allow you to sort out the issues together.

If you can’t bring yourself to talk to anyone why not just show your someone your poems so they know what you’re going through or even just leave them where someone find them if you can’t handle confronting them. (Just remember to put By………. On it or they’ll wonder who on earth wrote it.)

It can become very easy to point fingers and lay the blame elsewhere particularly when emotions are involved or you don't have a view of the full picture and are only getting one side of the story like your viewers so I can't give you an opinion on whether or not to dump your partner, that is for you to decide.

From my perspective if your partner is what makes you happy and they are willing to listen and compromise with you because they want to help make this relationship work then I’d say go for it. However, if your partner refuses to listen and compromise with you then I’d be wondering how much your relationship means to them if they can’t bring themself to even attempt to help make it work. Basically just ask yourself if they make you happy and are they worth it?

Overall however while anyone and everyone can give you their perspective and advice whether or not you take it is your choice and yours alone, after all it’s your life and you're the one that has to live it, no-one else.

Remember no-bodies perfect and Good luck,

P.S. Here’s a quote I thought might help:
It’s not suppost to be perfect.
It’s meant to be chaotic and it’s
Meant to make you cringe.
If you haven’t cried in a while,
Or felt like shit in even longer,
Then your most likely doing it wrong.
This isn’t here for constant perfection;
It’s here for it to be real,
And to keep your heart beating.
None of this makes sense,
But all of it is worth it.
BluishShimmer Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oops sorry for not replying sooner (I really need to figure out a way to get e-mail updates on comments from deviant art).

First of all you're very welcome.

Alright I know this is probably going to be really weird after what I told you earlier however I just read your Dear Mum and Dad letter and I firmly believe at the moment that it's really important for you to open up to the people who love you most so that you get their love and support. I'm not saying you need to put romantic relationships on the back burner just that I think you really need to contact someone be they a parent, an adult close to you that you look up too, teacher, friend, social worker (no, they are not terrifying monsters) or call kids help line etc. and tell them exactly what you are going through so that you will have someone at least aware of the emotional turmoil you are going through and hopefully in a position to help and support you.

Your parents are obviously in the best position to give you emotional support and love and I would recommend you show the letter to them since it'll help them understand what your going through especially if you feel unable sit down and tell them. Personally I have A LOT of communication problems when trying to talk verbally to people were as when I write the words just flow. Yes your parents may be upset or even disbelieving at first however hopefully it will at least open up that communication barrier enough for you to feel able to express yourself or at the very least make them pause long enough to start questioning your happiness.

If you really don't feel comfortable approaching them by yourself approach someone else first (preferable an adult or figure of authority like a teacher or councilor so your parents will more likely to listen) and explain your situation to them (perhaps even give them your letter if you can't explain) before approaching your parents with them as a supporting figure. If you'd rather the presence and support of a close friend may help you gain the courage to inform your parents of your parents of your feelings.

Again how you feel most comfortable approaching the subject is up to you however while you don't need to approach your parents straight away I would strongly recommend you find someone you feel comfortable with to talk too. Just venting and laying all that emotional turmoil out will do wonders.

Anyway I'm sure you've had enough of the heavy stuff so on to some lighter advice, first of since were still on the subject finding a way to vent even if not to someone else is always a good idea. How you do this could be through a diary, poems or stories which you seem more comfortable, physical exercise like going for a run, swim etc. or as you pointed out music is a good de-stresser it's completely up to what works best for you, the entire idea is all about letting all those bottled up feels and emotions out so that you can relax and mello out.

Personally I find physical exercise the best way to really let loose particularly if your really upset or emotional about something I find walking it off (with the occasional break into a run) really helps let all that negative energy go and the time it takes to walk back lets me gather my thoughts fresh for whatever the world throws at me.

Another thing is surrounding yourself with positive emotion you'll find the more you surround yourself with it the easier it'll be to let it rub off on you. Start in your room or special place, this is your own personal refuge were you can go to whenever your stressed to escape and regroup so you need to fill it with as much positive energy as you possibility can.

First off people respond strongly to things they read or see every day so it'd probably be a good idea to print off or write up quotes(lyrics quotes even), poems, sayings, jokes, pictures, cartoons anything that makes you feel positive and start putting them were you can see them, sticky notes as bookmarks in your school books, your desk, over your walls and ceiling as long as you see it often anywhere goes.

You mentioned music earlier, music can be great in helping you express yourself, relax or simply loss yourself in the music. Try to stick to music that makes you feel happy and good about yourself, sad songs are beautiful in my opinion however any music that makes you upset, down or simply hopeless needs to go, for example welcome to my life by Simple Plan may be a very emotionally connecting song for people who are struggling emotionally however it is depressing and gives no hope and incentive and only makes it easier for people to give into their depression. Their are TONS of songs out there that can help lift your spirits.

eg. some of my personal favourites are: So Small - Carrie Underwood (if nothing else listen to this one),Wheel of the world - Carrie Underwood, Why - Every 40 Seconds Someone Asks ... Why - Rascal Flatt (copy that into youtube), Stand - Rascal Flatts, (Yes this guy's one of my favorites), One Step At A Time - Jordin Sparks, Play On -Carrie Underwood other songs are This One's For The Girls - Martina McBride, You'll be in my heart - Phil Collins,, To Love Again -Alesha Dixon, A New Day Has Come - Celine Deon, Life Is A Highway - Rascal Flatts, How Do You Get That Lonely - Blaine Larsen, Lessons learned - Carrie Underwood.

Sorry got a little carried away but hopefully there is enough variety for something to catch your personal interest.

Moving on if you really want you could go all the way and even do a wardrobe and makeup change to brighter colors if making your day full of sunshine and rainbows brings you joy however if wearing black and eyeliner makes you happy feel free, anything that makes you feel positive about yourself is worth keeping.

A friend of mine has slowly but surely turning his room into a shrine of quotes and pictures over the past 6 months and while I'm not expecting you to go that far a little change could work wonders. Just remember things aren't going to get better overnight so don't give up, start small and add more positive influence into your life a bit at a time, a quote there, a song here, it all adds up so no need to go on a rampage, just start slow and gradually build up at a comfortable pace for you.

Just remember your room or special place is above all else a refuge for you to relax and regroup so keep the change gradual to reduce jarring and I wish you the best of luck with your parents or whoever else you decide to talk to or if you feel more comfortable write too, Shimmer
Dawnmoon13 Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2012  Hobbyist
Wow um, first, thanks for taking the time to type up a super long post =)
I don't actually have a partner. It's just me, and her in the distance. But I still get what you mean and I appreciate the advice. I guess I just don't know how to get out of this endless cycle. I don't know how to get rid of my feelings for her. I might show her some of my pieces, maybe. She knows though, and I don't really know what else to do. Thank you, I really apreciate the help <3
XxMidnightRainfallxX Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Love this. This is me.... Just love it. :)
ClassifiedMaterial Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2012
This is powerful stuff. I can almost know how you feel. Sometimes you just need to let it all out..
TennyTen10 Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2012
This is amazing. It's difficult to find words for self-harm, and how it makes you feel, but you did a very good job.
heavenlytouch Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Can you become one of my friend here ?
Dawnmoon13 Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2012  Hobbyist
Sure, I'm always glad to help people out =) Drop me a note or a comment on my page if you ever need anything =)
heavenlytouch Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I will always do !
heavenlytouch Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much ! I'm sure I will need every single help from anyone !
heavenlytouch Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Wow ! I can sense such a deep emotion inside your poem. Maybe I can learn something from you, because I'm new here.
XRadioactive-FrizzX Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012  Student General Artist
[link] This has been featured.
aquaw93 Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2012   General Artist
oh this made me cry. So beautiful and touching. :saddummy: I love the way you write somehow similiar to mine :B
TeacupEmporium Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2012
I'm so glad that other people understand. This is a lovely poem. (:
MayFlowerxxx Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Such a strong poem, I love it!
And Make It Stop (September's Children) is such an amazing song, it makes me cry!
Demens-Morio Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Just makes me pause and think of how many times this is real
usernamme Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2012
I'm not trying to be mean, but this is really cheesy.
drakora5588 Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2012
sunshine2455 Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
this is incredible! i love it! and i love that song, Make it Stop!
this is absolutely amazing!!!!
whitestar3 Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
i want to favorite a million times...
jaco-lyn Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2012
just hold on <3
i might not know you, but i still care
SkittleKittie Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I love this. I know this exact feeling, it's almost a relief to see it right there spelled out in words that I can't find myself. I want to choose both love and sadness for this. :hug:
devotedwritter93 Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2012
Wow, I'm speechless! This is so well written with so much emotion! I love it!
criticfollower Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
*super sad face* *hugs u unexpectedly*
thommo50 Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2012
Still, musn't grumble.
EAM6 Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2012  Student General Artist
things get better, it may take time, but when all's said and done you see just how bright the sun is because you know how dark the night can be.
IrkenInvaderMaz Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2012  Hobbyist
beautiful. good job.
minhtnguyen97 Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
i also feel this way except i haven't cut or harmed myself physically. i don't know really know what to do when i have depression............ i just sit down and try to cry..... no tears ever come out........... they haven't until recently.......... my heart's been broken, so now i feel worse than what i normally would...... maybe you could possibly give me some advice on how to handle depression? you seem to know more than i do...... i really hope you feel better though
loltopaz Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2012  Student Writer
I could tottaly relate to this poem :'( Thx for writing this beautiful piece
notepadgirl Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2012
Keep it up! Even if your first poems sound all the same, soon you will feel better and other subjects will come!=) But writing about this, you help all these people who commented saying they feel the same. I hope you feel good about this response, as a reward for going in the right direction!
LiveLaughRide Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2012
This describes how I used to feel down to a key. I still feel like this only now I am better at accepting it and moving on. I hope you are okay, talk to me any time x
webkinzagirl Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2012
This is really, really good! :D
Redlipstickandpearls Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you for touched me so much
quie-tone Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
That beautiful. How simply it is written makes it all the better. Less clutter more impact. You are a wonderful writer. I hope you make more "half-hearted attempt[s]" at poetry. :)
LunaticFairy Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2012
because it's the art, where people can express themselves...
that poem is perfect art.
thank u so much for these words. they perfectly fit.
Taakoses Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2012  Student Digital Artist
The void stands opposite to the chaotic sphere of emotion. It is through contrast that you confirm your existence.

Lovely piece.
littleblackmariah Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is amazing. And i'll be honest, that's the way I feel too.
SuppressedOceans Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2012  Student General Artist
It is an amazing song.
Don't cut, dear, there are people in your life you care about you or people you have yet to meet that will care about you as well.
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